Gone Too Soon...

The people who stay in my life are connected to me in ways I don't understand. They like me and I like them, despite who we appear to be to most. And we like each other because of the person we've met beyond our persona.

The title of "Best Friend" is earned, only through both good and tough times.

Today, that little voice told me to call one of my best friends back in NYC.
So I did.

With the time difference, I called her job.
One of her co-workers told me she died.
She was cremated and was laid to rest, just yesterday.
There at the same cemetery my father and two brothers rest.

I sat there and blinked into the phone. I don't know for how long.

What?
What do I say?

I won't say I just talked to her last month. We talked regularly.
We were still kinda young.
We talked like there would always be a next time; a tomorrow.
Gone too soon.

There's a rare disease that prevents a body from absorbing protein.
It found her.
It took her, suddenly.
She was here last month. Now, she's gone.
Too soon.

I didn't cry. Not outside.
Inside, I was screaming.
I blinked again and again.
I'm not sure when it will hit me.

When I heard she was gone, something took a swing at me like a prize fighters best shot,
but the blow passed through me like I was a specter.
Was like I was watching; defenseless.
I didn't hear what her co-worker said for long moments.

I was remembering writing her school papers from Queens College. We agreed to trade a home-cooked dinner for her reports. In my mind's eye, her friends and me - writing away between bites - are still talking, laughing and having a grand time.

I remembered getting tulips for her on her birthdays or just 'cause.
I remember perfect moments.

She was the kind of friend that was a comfort and an inspiration to know and to spend time with. The kind of friend that was easy to be around. The kind that asked for nothing but gave the most important things; encouragement, support, a kind word, a friend's "I love you."
The kind of love that was as close to your heart as love can get.

One of my shoulders was hers and one of her shoulders was mine.
It was there when we needed it.
Yep, like that warm blanket or mom's touch when we're not feeling well.
A love that only comes when you've known someone so long they are as close as family.

Hale Bop.
I remember seeing the comet some time ago. It was beautiful. But gone too soon.
It's the kind of spectacle you wish would stay around forever.
But, I guess if it did, it wouldn't be as special.
I'll never see it again in my lifetime, but it's something I'll never forget.
She was like that. A joy to watch. A joy to know. A joy knowing you are seeing a one of a kind.
It is a joy to know I am living in the same time and space to have known her, to have seen her.

I'll always remember you; like a perfect sunrise or sunset or an incredible, star-filled night sky or the rising or setting moon, or the smell of deep-forest pine, or the smell of mom's home cooking, or a Blue Jay's song when spring returns, or maybe a rainbow after a thunder and lightening storm.
I always knew you will be there, here, wherever, like the sea and the shore, whenever I called.

I've seen some of the most beautiful tropical skies, but she is better.
I've seen art by master painters; she is better.
I've seen many of God's creations; she is among His greatest.
Now she's home.

I'm here, I experience, I will go too.
Too soon?

Our phone conversations lasted long enough but never long enough.
I missed seeing her when last I was in NYC by less than an hour.
I'll never put a departure time in front of a friend again.

Too soon.

Sometimes when things were tough for her or me, a touch was all that was needed.
Just enough to keep us going along our way another day.
She had that touch.
In her Josephine Baker eyes, in her lyrical voice, in her loving words, in her love of life - of family, in her sincere, sun-like smile, in her electric finger tips.
I believe I did the same for her from time to time.
She'd call and tell me she needed a phone hug. A kind word. A poem.
Too soon.

I feel for her sons and her family who have lost someone special, but then again, I feel they are blessed to have had her as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a niece, an aunt, a friend.
She truly was all that.
She lives in all of us who knew her.
Gone too soon.

She was a New Yorker to her heart. Her accent, her NY twang. Her sensibility.
Her Sassy style, her grace. Her short, stylin' do's.

A smile from her made things right.
A smile lit up a room.
A word from her made me see things differently. Positively.

I remember seeing her crossing Park Avenue in her long, green trench coat and thinking that life just doesn't get or offer any better - a better friend, a funnier friend, a more caring friend, a more understanding friend, a more powerful friend, a more artful friend.
That's who she is to me.

I knew a very special person in her.
She wasn't mine, but she was my friend.

I'll never miss her.
She's always with me.

"Okay, Ba-Bye..."
She'd say, in a certain, signature, staccato way, after an uplifting conversation. Breathy, almost as if it was a night-time whispered, 'Good night.'
When she said it, I just knew I'd see her again.
If not, I just knew I'd hear from her again.
Years and miles separated us, but I felt closer to her than to people in the same room.

I called to check in, to hear her voice, and someone told me she was gone.
Too soon.

Seasons. Seasons.
Seasons. Seasons.
Man. Woman.
Birth. Death.
Infinity. Eternity.

I think she knew she was leaving.
But she never said anything to me about it. I wondered, would I?
I'm not sure and I won't know until we meet again.
Sometime, somewhere.

They said it was sudden.

Tonight, I found an email from her dated February 24, 2k8, 6:01 a.m.
I had sent her a Valentine's greeting a little late.

In it, She Said,

"Thank you for the belated Valentine's.
You sent it to me on my birthday, so it's special to me.
I love you."

I love you too, Deb.
Always.

"Okay, Ba-Bye..."