I Want Pants Like The Incredible Hulk

Ever notice how the Hulk's pants always fit him?
I'm sure the heated debate has raged for decades.

But, no matter how big he gets, his pants turn from slacks to shorts with a rip here and there but they always fit!?
If I gain two inches, it's off to the swap meet to get a new pair of everything.
That just ain't right!

And, to make matters worse, when he changes back to Bruce Banner, his pants shrink fit with him!
By the time I shrink back to my college weight, the clothes that fit me are way, way, way out of style! I can't wear bell bottoms in public, in L.A. unless I'm going to a 70's party. And even that's pushing it.

Okay, so Bruce had the foresight to wear modern stretchy jeans, but just imaging the first time he changed unexpectedly after his gamma ray exposure.

Can you see it?
He gets a whopping bill at a restaurant on Sunset or something after receiving lousy table service and loses it. He turns green, gets big and then RRRrrrrriiiiiiiipppp!
Down come the pantaloons.
Do people point and laugh? Is he truly an Incredible Hulk? (You know what they say about body builders...) Is he so embarrassed by the wardrobe malfunction that he shrinks back into Bruce or does he just tuck his date under his arm and run back home, go online and order a few pair of spandex?

I know there are millions of people looking for that Hulk pill that will make them bulk up and still look good and if they are already a Hulk, the pill will let them shrink back to normal with out the unsightly hanging flab.

But if I were to get a grip; I'd realize he's just a computer-generated cartoon character!
Deep down, I know that if I want to lose weight and bulk up, I need to get my fat ass off the couch and into the gym, or to the track where I got in shape and stayed in shape through college and beyond.

Either way, it still ain't fair. Thinking about being in shape is a lot easier than working out. I'm still a bad mammah-jammah in my imagination.
I want my Hulk pants.