Put The Dog Down and Back Away

Why are people carrying tiny dogs?
I know I've been out of the country for a while, but what did I miss?

I can flow with the designer dogs - we used to call them mutts when I was a kid. My neighbor had a ShihTsi-Poo but I think it was okay after he got it de-wormed.

Having a full sized, 120 pound Collie in a snug, Brooklyn three bedroom apartment, I can understand the need for a smaller pooch. But what the heck is this nonsense of carrying the little bugger?

I actually felt sorry for the first few animals I saw in people's bags. I thought the dogs were kennel rescues suffering from some terrible canine affliction.

But, while I was getting adjusted to being back in the states, I watched Entertainment Tonight and saw the rich and famous carrying little dogs. At first, I too said, 'Aw, how cute and what responsible celebs.' But as I noticed they were cosmetic the admiration began to gradually wear off like a dentist's anesthesia during a root canal.

For a while, I still thought people carrying the dogs were quite the kind-hearted owners but the cosmetic question and the truth of it all kept nagging at me. So, one fateful day, I went up and naively asked one pet carrier, "What's wrong with your dog? Why are you carrying him?" I was expecting a description of rickets or debilitating cow hocks or severe dog nerve damage, so I braced myself. Instead, they answered, through proud smiles, " There's nothing wrong with him, he just doesn't like to walk."

?

Doesn't like to walk?
WTF, over?

Take the lazy hair ball back to the freakin' store you bought it from and get a new one, I thought indignantly.
I guess the look on my face must have said volumes as the owner grinned uncomfortably, tucked the tiny non-liking-to-walk thing under her arm and vamoosed.
It might as well have been be a Tribble, I thought, as images of Cyrano Jones, Quatro-triticalie and pissed Klingons flashed through my head.

I was left standing there in dazed amazement. I noticed too that I was becoming increasingly aggravated. The amazement, I could understand, seeing something new for for the first time. But the rising anger came from feeling duped.

I thought the person was noble when in fact they were coddling idiots. I know, to each his or her own, but flip that! Remember the pet rock thing? I'm glad that time of insanity went away. Looking forward to this one taking that same happy trail.

For me, it was kind of like one woman I saw on The Dog Whisperer who was treating the family pet better than her own son. The dog snapped at and nipped her kid in a most nasty manner and she told her son to stay away!
Scooby say, "Ah-rooo?!"

Whenever I see a pint-sized dog with an attitude like that, I can't help but let my NFL brain kick in... It's fourth down and long yardage; time to punt.
In no way am I ever cruel to animals, but enough is enough.

In my defense as quite an animal lover, I must say that animals like me. Small animals like cats and these miniature, designer dogs have a tendency to circle my size thirteens. Inevitably, and quite unintentionally, they get between my feet and the earth.

The shrill sound they make reminds me of my father telling me, "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you," right before he got to tanning my hide with a belt.

I pick the critter up, check for serious injury, comfort them, but that's it. The guilt doesn't last the life of the pet.
My mother used to tell us stories about her grandmother and her 'lap pet' but I thought that was the extent of it. The old girl couldn't get around and had willing company; not to mention any dementia. (Sorry mom and sorry gammy).

Okay, so maybe I don't get it and maybe people have miraculously become more sensitive and caring while I was Wandering, but carrying a pooch 'just because' seems just a bit over the top.

Hopefully, this craze will pass like a gallstone. Or, maybe, California's ex-hippie or ultra conservative legislators will pass another dumb and excessive California law against carrying those danged, puny pups in public.

Hopefully, I'll live long enough to hear one of California's finest say to someone - while holding them at gunpoint, "M'am, put the dog down and back away."

Happy Wandering...