Short Crotch Seams And Spandex Jeans

I'd like to know who the designer or seamster is who came up with this new generation of women's stick-to the hip pants. Why? I'd like to shake their hand. Sometimes.

Not that I'm a rear view looker, but one day I noticed a slender woman's back pockets were nearly wrapped around her inner thigh. It looked a little odd to me so I decided to pay more attention wherever I Wandered next.

Sure enough, it was a women's haberdasher's conspiracy. They were everywhere.
Short crotch seamed jeans.
I'm not really sure about why someone with no bottom would wear a pair of pantaloons to accentuate it, but hey. It's their prerogative. If I don't like it I don't have to look. Believe me, there are times when I'm so sorry I did.

On the flip side, thanks to those innovative clothing artists, they have made even the slightest posterior attribute an eye candy boon. No longer do women who have a petite frame have to suffer the slings and arrows of being called flat bottomed. They are not. They are pleasantly curvy. Bravo!

Unfortunately, there are some women who have such a negative booty index, there is absolutely no stitching device short of padding that can add a curve in their rumpus room.

My ex was one such woman. Or so she said. The truth is she was slight hipped, but had a nice Ma Rainey going on back there. Those rubberized jeans came to my attention when we did a load of laundry one weekend and, when I took a pair of her jeans out of the dryer, I noticed they looked really small. On further investigation, I noticed they had some elasticity to them but didn't believe it. They looked like regular, cotton jeans, but they were hybrids. Hmmm.

When I was overseas, I thought silky, swaying and loose was much more sexy (and cooler) than form fitting. Unless I go to downtown Los Angeles, I don't see to many women wearing dresses these days. How unfortunate. But that's just me.

I feel it's a lost art. Mostly because the most popular 'club' dresses look like leftover scraps from complete dresses or something Betty Rubble or Wilma Flintstone would wear. I don't think they're attractive, but I guess I don't have to.

I do have to wonder a bit though.
The elastic jeans are not 'club' pants where you'd expect to see tight fitting, hip huggers; they're everyday pants. And if jeans weren't tight enough, designers have infused them with spandex to make them that much tighter to show each and every curve. Or lack thereof. Is the message any clearer? Is the hunt any more fierce? Are the stakes upped just a little higher in the battle of the sexes? I guess so.

I can only suppose those elastic spandex manufacturers, who came onto the scene years ago to adorn flash dancers, had an abundance left over after the material fell out of favor for being just a bit too revealing.

I wore spandex once. For a track meet, of course... And they were hot. No, not attractive hot or cool hot. They were hot-hot-hot! They didn't breathe. Everything below my waist line was cookin.' I thought about the slimming and aerodynamic effects of the space-age material, but then I also thought about wanting to have kids later in life. So. off them came, never to adorn my loins again.

I wonder if women experience the same heat.
I wonder if those new hot pants are the reason so many women I come across are more on edge these days.

I know they'd be on edge if I wore short crotched jeans.